Guest– Steve D
Ep. 22: Addiction Recovery: A Father’s Story
In this very special episode of Blue Sky, Steve D. tells the remarkable story of his struggle against his son’s severe addiction to alcohol. (Steve is not using his full name here to protect his son’s anonymity.) While living what he would describe as a near perfect life –great marriage with his high school sweetheart, dream job, five great children –Steve discovers that his youngest child is struggling with an addiction that has driven him to the point of attempting to take his own life. Almost overnight, Steve’s world is turned upside down as he and his wife try to face their new reality and save their son. With striking honesty, Steve describes his family’s heartbreaking and terrifying challenges, and why he left his Wall Street job to study addiction and make helping others in this predicament his life’s work. Looking back now, the optimist in Steve describes his son’s struggles as “a gift,” and you’ll understand why when you hear his story.
A content note: this episode includes discussion of severe addiction and suicide.
Resources:
Chapters
00:00 Introduction to Steve D’s Story
This chapter introduces Steve D, a former Wall Street executive who seemingly had a perfect life until his youngest son, Stevie, developed a severe alcohol addiction.
02:02 Stevie’s Near-Death Experience
Steve D recounts the terrifying night his son Stevie, then 16, attempted suicide on a railroad track due to his alcohol addiction and depression. Despite Steve’s generally optimistic nature, he initially saw no way out of this devastating situation, but ultimately, Stevie’s recovery proved him wrong.
08:01 Finding a Path to Recovery
Steve explains that finding professional treatment was the crucial first step in their family’s journey toward recovery. He also realized he needed to change his parenting approach, moving from being his son’s friend to setting difficult boundaries and allowing natural consequences to help Stevie recognize his problem.
10:48 The Challenge of Parental Intervention
Steve discusses the immense difficulty parents face in taking a hard line with a child struggling with self-harm and addiction, often leading to manipulation by the child.
14:53 Family and Marriage Impact
Steve explains how Stevie’s addiction severely strained his marriage, as he and his wife disagreed on how to handle the situation. Their older children intervened, leading to Steve and his wife finally getting on the same page with a unified approach, which was crucial for Stevie’s recovery.
21:29 Addiction as a Disease
Steve discusses the concept of ‘raising the bottom’ and intervening early in addiction, emphasizing that it’s a disease, not a moral failing. He advocates for the slogan ‘love the kid, hate the disease’ to help parents detach from their child’s hurtful behavior and focus on solving the underlying problem.
27:57 A Letter to Addiction
Steve shares a powerful letter he wrote directly to ‘Addiction,’ expressing his profound hatred for the disease and his determination for his son to overcome it. This exercise helped him direct his anger appropriately, clarifying that the disease was the enemy, not his son.
31:21 Stevie’s Recovery and Purpose
Steve provides an update on Stevie’s successful recovery, highlighting his son’s transformation from a fun-loving child to someone who embraced sobriety and now helps others in recovery. Stevie is celebrating nearly eight years of sobriety, working at a sober living facility, and making a significant difference in the lives of many.
36:17 Steve’s New Mission and Resources
Steve explains how his son’s journey dramatically changed his own life trajectory, leading him to retire from Wall Street to dedicate himself to addiction recovery advocacy.
48:09 A New Sense of Purpose and Optimism
Steve reflects on how he now measures his success by the hours spent assisting families, embodying a profound sense of optimism and gratitude for his new life’s direction.
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